"I dont mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it." ~Marilyn Monroe

"I don't mind living in a man's body as long as I can be a woman in it." ~VinVin Jacla

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Sunday, June 11, 2017

Love me like you do....

I just had the weirdest dream ever. 😳😳😳 And it was cut short.

It was raining and there's this tall, blonde guy I was saying goodbye to. Short hair. I couldn't quite picture his face at first so I initially couldn't recognize if he's someone I know in real life or not.

"So this is goodbye," I said.

"Yeah, bye VinVin." He smiled.

"Bye...." I smiled back.

I hugged him and that gesture kinda caught him off guard. My eyes were closed. He didn't hug me back. He just tapped my back instead.

I opened my eyes and turned to him and looked him in the eye. His eyes were blue. I looked down and picked up my Longchamp bag on the floor (yeah my dream was that vivid) and then I headed to the elevator as it opened behind me.

I stepped inside the elevator. It was empty. The "G" button was already illuminated.

My eyes were fixated on the floor. I tried not to look at him anymore as tears were already forming around my eyes. But deep inside I was somewhat fighting the urge to have that one last look at him. And so I did. I looked up and I saw his face. I could recognize him already. And that's when the tears finally started to fall. He looked startled so I just stifled a laugh and faked a smile as the elevator doors closed between us.

I got out of the building as fast as I could. Rain started to pour heavily this time. My knees were trembling (and weird enough I also quite couldn't feel my legs for a quick bit when I woke up). My car was just parked nearby. I knew it was just a dream because my car was a white Mercedes SUV and not Clint, my silver Montero. 😅😅😅

I fondled for my keys inside my bag but my thoughts were all over the place.

That's when I started to break down and just cried my heart out.

And then I heard someone call my name.


I looked to the direction of the voice. I wiped my face with my hands and patted my wet hair to one side to see who it was.

It was him.

He ran towards me and then all of a sudden....

All of a sudden....

He put his arms on my shoulders and then he kissed me. 😮😮😮

And then I heard this very loud music playing on the background. So loud that I felt like I was in a climactic scene of a movie. It was the chorus of my most fave song in the world.

It was Ellie Goulding's "Love Me Like You Do." Yeah, my dream can't get any weirder than that.

"Love me like you do...la...la...love me like you do...."

And then I woke up. The chorus of the song was still playing.

"Love me like you do...la...la...love me like you do...."

And then I realized that it was my phone's alarm telling me that it's already 4 AM. And, yeah, "Love Me Like You Do" is my alarm every morning.



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Who is that "gay" I see staring straight back at me...?

Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?

When will my reflection show...who I am inside?