For in silence I find no rejection....
You probably already know who Love Down Under is if you're my friend on Facebook. I posted a photo of us together after we had breakfast one Sunday morning near my place when I was in Melbourne, Australia last August 2016.
He picked me up at my hotel at around 9:30 AM to have breakfast together. He's really a very fine young gentleman.
That's him below. We passed by a convenience store to buy Red Bull. I guess it's because he had work the day before and he was still feeling tired. But since it was my last weekend in Melbourne, he still made it a point to see me.
It meant a lot to me. That morning meant a lot to me. He means a lot to me.
For in loneliness no one owns you but me...
I love him so dearly but I choose to love him in silence. I don't wanna let him know that I love him. That I'm in love with him. Because he's my friend and I want it to remain that way. I just want us to be friends forever. I've known him for quite some time now...probably for more than 5 years already.
I choose to adore you from a distance...
For distance will shield me from pain....
He paid for my breakfast. I had a latte and some pancakes and he had an espresso and a bowl of yogurt. I love the heart design on my coffee. It was so perfect for that moment. My moment with him.
Apparently, taking photos while dining is not something that's popular in Melbourne unlike here in the Philippines. I felt so shy to ask him if we could have a photo together while we were having breakfast. But, nonetheless, the memory of that fine Sunday morning still lives in my heart until now.
I choose to kiss you in the wind...
For the wind is gentler than my lips....
I love how intimate the setting was even thought the place was actually very busy and noisy that Sunday morning. Probably it's because it's among the very few restaurants that were open in that area on that day.
That's Love Down Under's hand by the way. Teehee!
He got worried when he saw the reaction on my face when I saw the pancakes that were given to me. It wasn't the kinda pancakes that I was expecting. It tasted good alright, but, it wasn't my cup of tea. This was a little too much for me.
Or maybe it's because that moment with him was a little too much for me that I barely touched my pancakes. I offered him to get half of it but he refused.
I choose to hold you in my dreams...
For in my dreams, you have no end....
He was silent most of the time. I guess it's because we were still both feeling a little shy at each other. I tried to break that silence by asking him about our common friends, his life back in his home country, why he moved to Melbourne and what he planned to do next.
He talked about his life in Melbourne and how he was enjoying every bit of it.
He asked me as well if I wanted to live and work in Melbourne. It never occurred to me ever to live and work abroad. But, during that time, I was so determined to give it a try already. I wanted to live in Melbourne. I wanted to be close to him. But, deep inside, it's as if there was something that's telling me that it was wrong. It felt kinda wrong.
Love Down Under had a girlfriend at that time. I dunno why but I always (as in always) fall for a guy who already has a girlfriend.
Soon after, we had to part ways. His girlfriend was coming over at his place and I had to go to work as well. I was in Melbourne only for a project and it was to end that week as well.
He offered to walk with me going to work since my office was just down the road. I declined and told him that I'd be ok. He smiled. And then I asked him if we could just have a photo together. And so we did. Outside the restaurant in front of the train station.
I will never forget that moment. That's one of my happiest moments ever.
It had been months already since that morning that I met up with him but it's only now that I'm finally writing about it. I initially didn't wanna talk about this but I just had to let something out.
Love Down Under broke up with his girlfriend late last year but earlier this year he again had a new one. He was supposed to visit me here in Manila last December. That's what he told me when we had breakfast last August. He was planning a trip to Thailand before 2016 would end and then he would head here. But, that didn't happen anymore. He went to Thailand, alright, but he didn't get to go here anymore. I'm not sure if it's because he met a new girl. I wouldn't know and I wouldn't wanna know.
Sometimes, we would talk online and then out of nowhere, he would snap a photo of him with his new girlfriend. I would pretend to laugh and tell him how funny the photo was. But what he didn't know that as I was holding my phone and looking at his photo, I was already crying so hard. One time, I was in the office and I had no choice but to go to CR and weep. Haha! Silly me.
I cried really hard.
And then tonight, he sent me a message again telling me that he and his girlfriend are planning to go here soon to visit me. He said his "princess" is excited to meet me. He calls his girlfriend "his princess." I guess he had been saying some stuff about me to his girlfriend. Good stuff I suppose. LOLZ!
And then he told me that they'd find me an amazing guy.
And then I cried again. Haha! I'm actually crying right now as I'm writing this while I'm listening to Jona's version of "I'll Never Love This Way Again." I'm crying so hard that I started this entry at around 7 PM and it's now 9:30 PM and I'm not even done yet. LOLZ!
I'm actually excited to see him again. Yes. I'm ok with meeting his girlfriend. I guess we can be friends. Me and his girlfriend. I also know where to place myself. Love Down Under doesn't know that I'm in love with him so I also don't wanna be unfair to him.
I wanted to tell him that I don't need an amazing guy. I already have one. I already have one amazing guy in my life.
I wanted to tell him that he's that amazing guy.
I'm ok with the kinda friendship that we have. I don't want to freak him out. I don't want him to ignore me. I don't want him to leave me. I'm ok with being friends with him forever.
I'm sorry. I should end this now. I can't take it anymore. Haha! I'm sorry.
I love you, Love Down Under.
I love you. So much.
Even if it hurts.
♥ Mwah! ♥
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