"I dont mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it." ~Marilyn Monroe

"I don't mind living in a man's body as long as I can be a woman in it." ~VinVin Jacla

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Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Kind of Person I Want YOU to Date

June 25, 2011

I got this from my friend, Mariel. It's a lovely read.

The Kind of Person I Want YOU to Date

The person I want you to date exists and I want you to wait it out until you
meet them. Because, in case you haven’t yet, you will. Waiting is for the brave
– it means watching years pass, noticing yourself growing older and sitting
through wedding after wedding after wedding. It means bottling that slow-rising
fear. It means questioning your standards and running the risk of settling.

I wish someone had told me that the person I was meant to be with was a real actual
living person, breathing in some part of the world and waiting, too. I did not
believe in romantic destiny so I projected all my hopes into the wrong people
and tried desperately to make these wrong people right. In the end, no one won
and the aftermath was a combination of devastating grief, self-loathing and
crippling regret. I do not want that for you.


The person I want you to date might be making morning coffee right now or sleeping through a
thunderstorm or getting a degree in Physics. Wait. I mean it. Every
other person will be a cheap imitation of the real thing.

The person I want you to date believes in big things. This person has a passion and pursues
it with a hunger that could set the world on fire. This person believes in
setting goals and making them happen. Trust me: you will never regret being with
someone who is madly in love with their purpose in life. When you meet this
person — this unstoppable ball of good fury — I want you to have a vision of
your own. A goal you can shape your life around. I want you to have a desire to
change the world, whatever pocket of it you belong to. You can’t be stagnant
when the person you’re with is active and dynamic. Life is a grand celebration
of doing great things that matter and you (yes, you) play a huge part in all of it.

The person I want you to date has character. When you’re young, all you’re looking for is
personality. Charm. Compatibility in music and book taste and food preferences.
I think these are all well and good but character is what sustains a
relationship when all of these things change. Personality is ever-evolving,
character grows and amplifies in time. Character is when a person does beautiful
things without seeking credit. It’s when someone doesn’t quit — even if every
fiber of their being begs them to. It’s the ability of someone to graciously
expend back-breaking heart-wrenching love to someone who has disappointed and
failed them. Character is that beautiful thing that gets molded over time and
experience. Be someone with character and never settle for someone without it.

The person I want you to date will be into you. Really, really into you. There will be no
need for pointless mind games, no room for even the slightest bit of emotional
confusion. The person I want you to date will be crystal clear about their
intentions towards you. They will not win you over with sweet nothings or
romantic gestures. Their love will be bigger than the superficial trappings of
courtship. The person I want you to date will take the time to know you. They will
see everything there is to love about you and they will look at the core of all
the bad stuff and not balk. They will not run at the first sign of ugliness.
Instead, they will love you through it.

I want you to know that the person I want you to date will fail you. Give
them the grace to be human. (You are one, too.) Don’t listen to those stupid
quotes that tell you that the person who loves you will never make you cry. I
want you to realistically approach this thing we call human relationships.
Hurting one another is part of the messy dynamics of getting
close to someone. But the person I want you to date is a person who knows how to
resolve conflict especially when it blows up in both your faces. Their ego will
never be too big to own up to their mistakes.

And when it comes to their love for you, YOU WILL KNOW. Their love will be
the most painfully obvious thing in the world that though you will come to
question many, many things in life, you will never — not even once — question

And you know what? They will believe in you so much that you will never feel compelled to
question yourself. You will put all your insecurities to rest because the person
I want you to date will, more than anything, make you feel that you matter.
Always. And you know why? Because you do.

I’m sure it sounds like a long shot but what if you dared to believe that the person I want
you to date is real? Love is greater than cynicism and this is what I believe —
yes, me, the last single girl in the world: While some people think this all
sounds too good to be true, there is a God who is out to give us things that are much
too good to be false.

Believe. Don’t settle. And in the meantime:

Become the person that the person
you’re looking for is looking for....



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DaMnViXeN said...

wonderful read! exactly the piece i would want my 18 year old hot blooded cousins to be pondering on!

first time here and loving it!

VinVin said...

thank you, too :)

Who is that "gay" I see staring straight back at me...?

Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?

When will my reflection show...who I am inside?