"I dont mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it." ~Marilyn Monroe

"I don't mind living in a man's body as long as I can be a woman in it." ~VinVin Jacla

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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

First Time (part 8 - filler)

May 3, 2011

Disclaimer: There might be tons of misspelled words or grammatical errors in this post and in my other "First Time" entries as well as I no longer proofread such entries because I just become teary-eyed whenever I do. CHOZ! And...I'm sorry, too, but the "kilig" tone in this post (and perhaps also in my succeeding "First Time" entries) might have diminished a bit already after what happened last month. I just want to complete this series until the very end so that when I grow old, I'll still have a written memory or account of these very wonderful experiences that I had once shared with him.

CHOZ! Filler!

Feelingerz! But, yeah, my “First Time” moments kinda have some filler ones as well, similar to that of a telenovela or whatever. LOLZ!

But this is really gonna be one long filler. I'm telling you.

It’s just a little sad that these filler happened before and during Valentine’s Day itself. But, it’s nothing serious. It’s still a “kilig” moment for me nonetheless. Though, as I would eventually find out a few weeks later, “nothing really lasts forever.”

February 11, 2011. Friday night.

My “First Time” guy and his band had an event in Eastwood City. It’s for this anti-bacterial mouthwash brand. (That I really trust, but, I will no longer mention the name since this is not a paid post. CHOZ!) He told me about it a few days ago and was a little kinda hesitant to go. Not that he wanted me to go, of course, but…I just wasn’t prepared to see his other group members in person. LOLZ! I didn’t know how he would react.

But, knowing me, I still went anyway. I wasn’t at my best-dressed self that night. LOLZ! I was even wearing my glasses. I just came from a terrible flu and I also wasn’t supposed to go to work that day. However, since he would be having that event that night, I just really couldn’t afford to miss it.

It’s his first. And I wanted to be there. Even if we’re just “friends.”

His event was from 12NN to late at night, around 10PM or so I think. God knows that I really wanted to be there from 12NN onwards, but, that just wasn’t possible. LOLZ! I would be literally exaggerating if I did that.

My driver picked me up from the office at around 6PM. Thanks to a very terrible Friday night traffic, we reached Eastwood City at past 7PM.

I was really running with some fever that night, but, I still managed to go anyway. All for the name of…CHOZ!

I walked from the parking lot going to Cyber Mall, squeezing myself in between the people walking towards my direction. I reached Cyber Mall after 7 minutes of walking. I immediately saw the booth of that mouthwash brand, but, I just couldn’t see them anywhere. I roamed around the first floor looking like an idiot but I still didn’t find them. I decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator because I didn’t want him or his group to see me. I kinda told him the night before that I was just gonna watch him perform, I wasn’t gonna approach him or whatsoever.

I reached the very top floor, but, still, I wasn’t able to find any sign of where he was. I thought they were on a break or something. He told me that they would just be at the food court most of the time, so, that’s where I first looked for them. But, like I said, I just really wasn’t able to find them.

I went to roam around the entire Eastwood City for like over half an hour. I even went to the new mall across 1700 Building and McDonald’s. Still…failure.

However, I didn’t wanna give up. I never give up on love. NEVER. LOLZ! CHOZNESS!

The moment I saw an information booth, I immediately went to talk to the Information Officer and asked her if she knew anything about any event concerning a mouthwash brand. At first, she didn’t know that there was even such an event that day. I begged her to really help me, blinking my long curly lashes, mesmerizing her with my brown puppy eyes. CHOZ! Teehee! After making a few phone calls, she finally found out where the event was. And guess what? It’s at the Cyber Mall. Damn.

Well, I was there already and “giving up” was never in my vocabulary, anyway, so, yeah, I walked again going to Cyber Mall. I was really freakin’ tired already, but…all for the name of….Teehee!

I was so near Cyber Mall already when I saw 5 guys exiting the mall. They were wearing similar-looking vests and blue long sleeves (that’s what I remember). OMG! It’s them!

Shux. I was a mess. And they just really surprised me. I immediately saw him and, as expected, he saw me as well. He smiled. Very wide. I didn’t get to do anything anymore. I didn’t know how to react. He looked really good. He looked so pleasant. He was the best looking man that I saw that night.


“Uy! Si VinVin! Haha!” Yeah. That’s what he said. With the “Haha!”

FUDGE. I guess I really looked so weird that night. And messy. And crappy. Because he laughed at me. Haha! CHOZ!

I just smiled at him, and at them, but I just continued walking. I did that as if nothing happened. As if I just happened to pass by the area. As if.

But, I immediately texted him and told him that I was just gonna withdraw some money from a Citibank ATM and then I would go home already. I didn’t know what excuse I could tell him. I wasn’t even supposed to be there in the first place. I was sick.

He replied to my message and told me where they were gonna perform. I didn’t wanna expose myself anymore as I was afraid his band mates might think of me differently. As if I was up to something or whatever.

I told him that I needed to go and stuff, but, I still managed to pass by the area where they were setting up for their next performance. It was in front of Fazoli’s, which was also very much on the way to the parking area, so, if ever he saw me, I would have an excuse that I was just about to go back to our car. That’s where we’re parked, anyway.

Anyway, I did see them, alright. But, I think they didn’t get to see me anymore.

I just immediately went to our van and told my driver to go straight home.

He texted me that night when they were done, asking me if I got to see him perform and stuff. I apologized and told him that I didn’t. I felt bad, really bad, because I honestly wanted to see him perform that night but I just couldn’t. He also said that he was expecting that I would’ve gotten to see their last performance that night as it was, for him, their best so far. People really cheered for them, according to him. And I believed him, of course. He’s an excellent singer.

I told him that I’d make it up to him the next day.

February 12, 2011. Saturday night.

It’s Day 2 of their event, still at Eastwood City. I invited my teacher, Cielo, to go with me to Eastwood City that night. I kinda wanted to introduce her to him and him to her. I’ve been talking about him to my teacher since the start of the class (with all enthusiasm, “kilig” and all that). She was also excited to see him that night as much as I did.

Believe me. I was just so more than excited to see him again that night. I just really was.

If only I would be given the chance to see him everyday. Everyday. I would grab that chance. Regardless of the cost or the consequences or whatever. But, obviously, that won’t happen anymore….

Ok. I’m becoming a little emotional and off tangent right now.

Going back….

Surprisingly, there was not much traffic on our way to Eastwood City from Makati. Thank goodness. I still managed to do some “retouching” and stuff while we were on our way.

I texted him when we were near Eastwood City already. He knew that I was coming and he said he was also excited to see us. And that really made me so “kilig” to the bones. CHOZ!

Finally, we arrived at the mall. The “gay” had landed. LOLZ!

I wasn’t supposed to stay that long at Eastwood City that night as I still kinda needed to go to Brickroad in Sta. Lucia for my friend’s event. But, obviously, I did manage to stay for like more than an hour in Eastwood City. My teacher and I even had a quick dinner. All for the name of….

Fine. LOVE. Teehee!

I knew where they were now, so, finding him wasn’t that much of a challenge for me anymore. We went to the mall right away and headed to the food court area. My teacher noticed that I was shaking. CHOZ! Yeah, I was. Well, kinda. I mean…this would be the very first time that I would see him with his band mates, up close and personal. Last night didn’t count as I only got to get a glimpse of him and his band. But, tonight would be really different. For one, I would be able to introduce my teacher to him and to his band.

Actually, one weird thing was I never really got to introduce myself to his other band mates. As in. Until now. But, I guess they know me. And I know them, too, anyway. So, perhaps, that’s what’s important (?). I dunno. Not sure.

I immediately noticed him and his group while we were ascending on the escalator. They were still wearing that black vest on top of blue long sleeves (again, that’s what I remember).

When we got there, I kinda approached him as slowly as I could. Yeah. You could imagine me doing a slow motion walk towards him. It was just really that weird. I was just really that weird. LOLZ! I introduced him to my teacher the way I planned it and then afterwards I also introduced my teacher to the rest of his band mates. Again, the way I planned it.

When I was done introducing one from the other, I returned my glanced towards his direction, but, to my great dismay, I noticed him descending the escalator already with some of his band mates. It kinda felt a little awkward seeing him leaving because I just got there. Well, I knew that he still had an event and stuff, but…hmmm…I dunno. It’s kinda hard to explain. Maybe if you were in my situation you would understand where I was coming from. But, like I said, I just really felt a little awkward deep inside.

We stayed there for a couple of minutes of so contemplating as to what had just happened. We, then, decided to go down after that. I kinda told my teacher blatantly that I thought he wasn’t that happy to see me. That he didn’t wanna see me that night. Or that he didn’t want his band mates to see me. A lot of “possible reasons” rushed into my mind that night. And all of them led to one train of thought: “he didn’t wanna see me.”

I know. I was being melodramatic, emotional. Or even perhaps I was just exaggerating. But, that’s really what I felt.

I saw him and his group at the booth near the entrance. I didn’t think of taking a glance them anymore. I kinda felt a little embarrassed. I just shook my head down until we reached the exit. I wouldn’t know if he noticed me since I wasn’t looking at them anyway.

We thought of having a quick dinner somewhere. My teacher’s driver hadn’t arrived, yet, and we were kinda a bit hungry as well, anyway. We went to Jack’s Loft, one of my fave places in Eastwood. We settled outside since it was already pretty crowded inside. And, besides, I also kinda wanted to see them perform as well.

After a few minutes, my teacher alerted me that he and his band were coming to our direction. Again, I felt a little uncomfy. Teehee! But, anyway, they did pass by, but, that was the only thing that happened. They just passed by. That’s all.

We still talked about a lot of stuff while we were at Jack’s Loft, but, I guess that’s pretty much private already. I won’t mention what those were anymore.

My teacher left a few minutes after. I walked with here going to the parking lot. We also still kinda saw one of the “models” in that mouthwash brand’s event. He’s kinda cute, but, he’s not the reason why I was there in the first place, so, I didn’t pay that much attention to him.

Before my teacher left, she made me promise not to go back and search for my “First Time” guy anymore. She was worried that I might just end up hurting myself in the process, aside from the fact that I would be alone already and that she wouldn’t be there to pacify things should something unexpected happen.

I told her I wouldn’t, but, I didn’t make any promises. So, as you might’ve already expected, I still went on searching for him. First stop, Cyber Mall. I just really wanted to see him perform that night. I didn’t get to see him perform the other night, so, I just really couldn’t afford this other chance that I had.

On my way to Cyber Mall, I instantly saw his band going to KFC. You see, there’s this open space beside KFC where people would pass by from time to time. They settled there and gathered some audience. It was like a “street act” set up. And, lo and behold, it really was just like that.

I sat down on a cemented bench near where they were and just stared at him. I think he didn’t see me. Because if he did, then…well….

His band started singing and then this mouthwash brand mascot came out, doing his act. Then came this other mascot/character. And they did stuff that I kinda made me feel uncomfy. It was a little of a childish act, in my opinion. But, I wasn’t there to watch the act itself. I was there to hear him sing.

And, so, I did. What I didn’t know what that in between their performances, there was this part where each member of his band would give a rose to a girl in the audience. Yup. A GIRL. So, obviously, I saw him give a rose to one of the girls in the audience.

I know. I know. I know. That’s part of the job. That’s part of what they’re supposed to do. Of what he’s supposed to do. But, I still felt jealous. Incredibly and terribly jealous.

I just stood up and walked away. And that was it.

I headed straight to the parking lot and told my driver to go to our next destination.

February 13, 2011. Sunday.

This time, he and his band mates had an event in Robinsons Galleria. It’s still similar to what they did in Eastwood City the past couple of days. It’s just a different venue this time.

I initially invited my mama and my aunts for lunch that day. Where else? Robinsons Galleria, of course. I had everything planned out, where we would eat, the time and stuff like that. Though, as I had quite expected, my mama wasn’t available that day, so, we just had lunch somewhere else. But, that didn’t stop me from going to Galleria that day. Nah-ah-ah.

I still went there that afternoon, after lunch. I usually go out to shop every weekend, anyway, so, that was kinda a normal “weekend” for me, nothing really special. It’s just that instead of going to SM Megamall, I went to Galleria instead.

My little brother went with me, but, he stayed with our driver. They had their own agenda that afternoon and I pretty much had an idea that it had something to do with video games. Just so not my stuff.

So, I was just left all alone by myself that whole afternoon. Alone with the various shops in Galleria. Teehee!

We parked at the basement, which was pretty hot, by the way. Basements are really not my thing. I prefer open parking spaces better.

I passed by the food court area which was incredibly crowded. I immediately thought that I really wouldn’t be able to find them there. As in. I went to roam around the mall some more and after a while I saw a familiar-looking mascot.

Oh. It’s them. They were doing that “act” again. I was at the second floor when I saw them and they were on the ground floor. I wanted to come near them, but, I just felt a little shy. I was just there to see them perform, anyway. It’s what I promised him and that’s exactly what I did. I just stared at them. I listened to their song, “Always Be My Baby” David Cook version.

I didn’t get to hear him sing alone, though, because they sang as a group. Their melody was almost perfect. Maybe I guess the problem was with the speakers they were using. They kinda carrying this boxed-type portable speakers with them and the sound quality just wasn’t that good.

I didn’t stay in Galleria that long. I still followed them and watched them perform twice or thrice but that was just it. Nothing more. Nothing less. I also shopped, anyway. CHOZ! And I think that’s what ate my time the most. Shopping. My best friend in this whole wide universe.

I didn’t text him anymore as I didn’t wanna disturb him. It had been a long 3 days for him, that I’m sure of. I was just a friend. He was just a friend. I shouldn’t act as if I was his girlfriend.


And that’s exactly what I had always been “trying” to do.


I went to White Hat on the second floor and ordered a medium-sized cup of frozen yogurt topped with caramel syrup. And then I cried. CHOZ!

There was this Korean couple sitting right beside me and they kinda stared at me blankly. I so wanted to apologize to them. I think I kinda freaked them out because tears just ran down my cheeks the moment I took a spoonful of frozen yogurt into my mouth. I know. I could be weird sometimes. And that was one of those moments. I dunno why but I just felt a pang of…depression or despair, I’m not sure.

It was like…hmmm…I dunno. I dunno how to explain it.

Ok. Fine. I’ll spill. I felt like I had no place in…his…life. CHOZ! Yeah, I did. And I know, I was extremely exaggerating when I said that. Or when I thought of that. He’s not my boyfriend. He never was. And he never will. So such thoughts had no freakin’ damn right to enter into my mind whatsoever. Never. Ever.

But, that’s exactly what bothered me that day. I think it was also that day that I came to realize that I was truly, madly and deeply in love with him.

I was “unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.”

Swear, I could really relate to this line from Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight (my fave):

"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."

February 14, 2011. Monday.

It was Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a date. As expected.

I got invited by my Tita Anne to watch Karylle’s concert in Ayala Triangle Gardens, but, I wasn’t able to make it. Well, I didn’t go because I was shy and, as I said, I didn’t have a date. CHOZ!

My friends from the office invited me to go out with them that night. Just for a quick dinner.

We went to Recipes in Greenbelt 3, which is obviously one of my most fave restos in the metro. I particularly love their “Gising Gising” and “General’s Chicken.” As in swear. Super. Plus, there’s also this cute waiter that that I really love. He’s somewhat chinito and a real cutie. Teehee!

My “First Time” guy texted me that morning and greeted me a happy valentine’s day. I was just so overwhelmed with so much joy when I read his message. I immediately gave him a phone call. And that was our very first phone conversation. As in. He was also actually surprised that I gave him a call. He was laughing when he answered my call. He sounded happy, as far as I’m concerned. And I kinda felt happy, too. It was one of my life’s greatest moments. Cheezinezz!!!

He told me that he wouldn’t be going to Galleria with his band mates. It was his rest day. He also told me that he didn’t have a date that night. But, he didn’t ask me out.

Not just yet.

That night, while I was having dinner with my friends, I received a text message from him. I told him I was with my friends at Recipes in Greenbelt. He asked if I wanted to watch an LFS movie. I asked him what LFS meant. Silly me. LFS = last full show. I told him that my driver was gonna pick me up at 7:30PM, so, it was impossible for us to watch a movie that night. And, besides, I was kinda hesitant to stay late that night, otherwise, my mama might think that something was happening…that I was on a date or something. And that’s exactly what I told him and he understood it.

I bid him good night and asked him if it was ok that we went out some other time. I told him that I didn't buy any gift for him since it's only for "love birds" and that we were just friends, so, it wouldn't seem right if I gave him a gift that day. He said it was fine. But, obviously, if you've been faithfully following this series, I actually gave him greeting card. Click here.

He asked me if I would be free on Friday. Of course, regardless if I wouldn’t be free on that day, I would still make a way. I always did. So, I said yes.

Come Friday afternoon, he told me that he had a quiz to take that night and that it was really important. I told him that we could just cancel our movie thingy that night, I would understand.

I would understand.

Eventually, I would soon learn and found out that things like that would be an issue.

A very big issue.


I'm still giving away that MFG wallet. Click here for the details.

Find me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter. Teehee!


rzander said...

Hello Vinvin, I have discovered your blog very recently and I have been fascinated with your “First Time” series. I couldn’t help noticing that you have been putting more weight on what people around you will think or say whenever you’re with your “first time guy,” thereby depriving yourself of the happiness you deserve. One thing I have learned in the past, is that I shouldn’t have cared about what people around think as long as I am not doing anything wrong or indecent, because in the end, I won’t get anything out of pleasing them. Just embrace the fact that it’s ok for “first time guy” that the two of you are seen in public together. Ignore those people around whom you said seem to stare at you. What’s important is that you both enjoy each other’s company. Furthermore, in my humble opinion, declining his invitation on valentine’s day wasn’t probably a good idea. It’s not often that an invitation like that comes our way, especially from someone we adore, don’t you think? And it just could have been frustrating for him to be turned down like that, considering the effort he made. But then, it’s just my opinion. More power to you and your blog!

VinVin said...

Hi! Thanks for that. Actually, I only came to realize the same just recently. But, it was already too late. He's gone now and we're never gonna see or talk to each other again. I guess he really hates me now.
For more parts to go before the tragic ending of my series. :) CHOZ!
I should write a book about this soon.

VinVin said...

*Four (not "For")

Meg said...

Hi Vinvin, oh yeah this is your friend, Lucky Gem (Lux).... It's been a while since I've read your blog, and the "short novel" about love is a good read I thought. I agree with Rzander. Do not deprive yourself of the happiness you truly deserve. Do not give up yet ;) I believe there's always a happy ending in "Love". Tragedy/Disappointments is just a part of the climax. ^.^ More power to you and your blog... I hope we can bring back our good old friendship.. I must admit I have been very bad to you in the past :D Oh yeah, I have a clue on who's your "first time" guy. I just wish you goodluck.

Meg said...

very interesting read!

Who is that "gay" I see staring straight back at me...?

Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?

When will my reflection show...who I am inside?