"I dont mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it." ~Marilyn Monroe

"I don't mind living in a man's body as long as I can be a woman in it." ~VinVin Jacla

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Wednesday, March 29, 2017

I cannot "unlove" him

photos from cyrilfabula.blogspot.com and wheretoget.it

The last time I felt something like this was exactly 6 years ago with a guy whose name starts with the letter "K." I remember telling him and begging him (as in mega begging him) to not leave me and to also love me back.

"Please...don't leave me. Please love me back. Kahit kaunti lang...."

But, to cut the long story short....he didn't love me back. He still left me. Pity me now. LOLZ!

We're ok now and whenever I read my Facebook memories about my posts about him from 6 years ago, I would just smile and stifle a laugh at how silly and naive and childish I was back then.

And then this happened....

I effin' fell in love again. So in love that it hurts. So in love that I'm crying right now here at Blenz Coffee while I'm typing this. Har! Har! Har!

I don't wanna go into further details about this anymore because I'm friends with the guy. And his girlfriend.

Oh, yes. He has a girlfriend. And she is veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery beautiful. KILL ME NOW.

But, what confuses me is that I would see photos of him hanging out with a gay guy at the mall or at a restaurant or whatever. Just the 2 of them. I would like to believe that they're just friends. Or maybe...ok....fine. I just feel jealous. I feel jealous that I couldn't hang out with him, too.

I would really love to hang out with him as well. Have dinner or watch a movie or what not. But, deep inside....I know it doesn't feel right. So, whenever I see him going out with a gay guy...I feel so hurt. And I know it's wrong. This feeling is so wrong. But, I can't help it. I just really can't.

I didn't really plan to fall in love with him at first. If you see him, you'll probably tell me that this guy isn't my type at all. As in he's completely the opposite of the kinda guy VinVin would normally fall in love with or even just have a crush on.

But I've fallen in love with him so much already. As much as I wanna try to ignore him...I couldn't. As much as I wanna try to avoid him...I couldn't. As much as I wanna try to forget about him...I so so so couldn't. Like...WTF.

I'm sorry.

The normal "me" would've already told him that I love him. That I'm in love with him. But, I couldn't do it. I don't wanna lose him. I don't want him to go away.

He's the second guy whom I've fallen in love with this hard and I don't want him to leave me as well. I don't care if he won't love me back. I'm happy that he's my friend. I'm happy that we're friends. I know that I shouldn't ask for anything more from him. Anything that he can't give me. I'm fine with that. I just don't want him to leave me....

Oh, fudge, I'm crying again. Har! Har! Har!

Anyway, the bottom line is....

I think it has already come to a point where I can no longer "unlove" him. Instead....I can just choose...

I choose....

I choose to love him in silence.

"I cannot 'unlove' you. Who am I kidding? No matter how many times I try to hate you, no matter how many times I convince myself to ignore you, I just can't. It's just that every time I try to control the abnormal beating of my heart whenever I'm with you, I was just trying to suffocate myself. I don't care how many times you give me a reason to walk away from you, just thinking of it makes my heart shrink. I don't care how many times you make me feel unwanted, or how many times you me feel like a fool. Because I'm willing to overlook all of them just to be with you. I cannot 'unlove' you, I cannot afford to throw all of those beautiful memories we shared like it was a piece of trash. I've already decided. That no matter what happens, I will still love you. I'll probably love you until eternity, too." ~Anonymous

My beautiful disaster....



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Tuesday, March 28, 2017

My failed attempt at using a gay dating app....

photo from pinknews.co.uk

While I was having dinner with a friend at her condo last Saturday night, and after hearing "my story", she told me to download this gay dating app and give it a try.

And then I was like, "Ummm....no. That app is only for those who are looking for hook ups and sex. I wanna preserve my virginity for the right guy (LOL)."

"Who are you....the VinVin Mary?", she said.

"Uhmmm...yes. Worship me now."

To cut the long story short, I still downloaded the app when I got home that night (LOL again). I uploaded some photos and put very little information about me. I browsed at some of the guys' profiles and "liked" some of them. Probably around 4 or 5. And then I got bored.

The following day, around yesterday afternoon, I opened the app again and I found out that I received 3 messages from 3 different users.

1st message: "Hi! You're VinVin the blogger, right!? OMG I had been following your blog ever since I was in high school! You like bags, right? Because I'm selling Coach bags. 😊"

Ok so first, he made me feel old. Second, fudge, it's not a good idea to put your real name as an alias for dating apps like this. 😂😂😂 Third, if I wanted to buy a bag, I should've just used OLX or Carousell. 😒😒😒

My response: "Hi! No. Sorry. I'm just a poseur." 😂😂😂

2nd message: "Hi Sir, massage po."

Ok so first, he called me a "Sir." A SIR!!! I was wearing an off-shoulder top in my photo and yet he called me a SIR (LOL). And second, like...the F?! If I wanted a massage, I would've just gone to The Spa with my Tita Rachel Pena.

My response: None. Message deleted.

3rd message: "Top or bottom? My place."

HORRORS!!! My world shattered. I felt so violated. LOL. NO. NO. NO. I'm the VinVin Mary and I'm reserving my virginity and first true love kiss for the right guy even if I'm already turning 30 years old this year. And this guy doesn't even have a photo showing his face. Just a topless photo of a headless guy. How scary is that?

My response: None. Message deleted.

I also uninstalled the app last night and just watched "Barcelona A Love Untold" on Cinema One. And then I cried while Kathryn Bernando was telling Daniel Padilla this line:

"You don’t have to. ’Wag mo akong mahalin dahil mahal kita. Mahalin mo ako dahil mo ‘ko because that is the love I deserve." 😭😭😭



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Ewan McGregor's directorial debut “AMERICAN PASTORAL” exclusive at Ayala Malls Cinemas


Two-time Golden Globe® nominee Ewan McGregor stars and debuts as a director in the deeply affecting father-daughter story “American Pastoral” based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by Philip Roth that chronicles the profound changes in the last half-century of American life. The adaptation focuses in on the Swede’s search for his daughter and the resonant themes of uncertainty, shifting fates, family and loss, that took the filmmakers nearly thirteen years to bring to the screen.

“American Pastoral” follows a family’s idyllic existence that was shattered by social and political turmoil that will change the fabric of American culture forever. Ewan McGregor makes his directorial debut and stars as Seymour “Swede” Levov, a once legendary high school athlete who is now a successful businessman married to Dawn (Jennifer Connelly), a former beauty queen. But turmoil brews beneath the polished veneer of Swede’s life. When his beloved daughter, Merry (Dakota Fanning), disappears after being accused of committing a violent act, Swede dedicates himself to finding her and reuniting his family. What he discovers shakes him to the core, forcing him to look beneath the surface and confront the chaos that is shaping the modern world around him.

Lakeshore Entertainment producer Gary Lucchesi reflects on what drove him to stay on course throughout the long but steadfast creative process: “I have always wanted to make a father daughter story. I read the script, I cried, and I knew I had to make the movie one way or another,” he recalls. “I saw in it the story of a man who has an uncompromising love for his daughter through thick and thin. I love dramas about human beings that you can relate to and experiences that you can imagine. That’s what really turns me on as a filmmaker. Every now and then, you get a chance to do something like this that you covet—so you give it everything you have.”

Ewan McGregor, known for his wide-ranging roles in films spanning from the innovative and edgy “Trainspotting 1 & 2”, “Velvet Goldmine” and “Moulin Rouge” to the acclaimed dramas “Ghost Writer” and “Salmon Fishing in the Yemen” -- was attached to play the central character of the Swede in American Pastoral long before signing on to direct the film.

McGregor knew this was a rare opportunity. Ultimately, it was his love of the material that led to his decision to take a leap into his feature film directorial debut. “I was very moved by the script and I was completely taken by the Swede and the study of father daughter relationships,” he says. “I’ve always wanted to direct, but I didn’t want to just direct for the sake of it. I wanted to have a story that I was compelled to tell,” McGregor explains.

An Ayala Malls Cinemas’ exclusive presentation, “American Pastoral” opens on April 5 at Glorietta 4 and Trinoma cinemas.



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Saturday, March 25, 2017

The many handsome faces of Johannes Rissler for Mike Gella Photography

Currently my most favorite male in the world....

Johannes Rissler for Mike Gella Photography.

I really love looking at his face. His facial features don't bore me. His looks don't bore me. He's just....

He's just....

Ultra super duper mega handsome!

Sorry if I kinda sound like a titillating high school girl right now over her crush. Teehee!

But, anyway, lemme just share with you more photos of Johannes courtesy of this very equally promising photographer, Mike Gella. Really wonderful shots you got here, Mike! I'm so more than impressed.

I love that the photographer was still able to capture the emotional intensity of the subject without the model having to look at the camera.

This to me looks like a more modern day Harry Potter. Ahihihi!
It amazes me to see Johannes looking so sexy without him having to take his clothes off.
Ok. I think he's slowly taking off his jacket now.
That face....
That hair. Those brows. That nose. Those lips. Those eyes....
I love how defined his chin and his jawline are.
He's clearly the most handsome male model in Manila right now. For me. Take note. For me.
Oh, gosh. I'm just excited for what the future holds for your modeling career, Johannes! I'm just so more than excited. All the best!

Click here for more of Filipino-German male model Johannes Rissler.



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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Seeing the Manneken Pis and roaming around Galeries Royales Saint-Hubert and La-Grand Place in Brussels, Belgium

Brussels is my most favorite among the cities and places that I visited in Europe last year. I would love to come back here someday to explore the city some more. Hopefully with a special someone. LOLZ!

The Mannekin Pis, however, was a little underwhelming. But it was cute. I also got to visit both Galeries Royales Saint-Hubert and La-Grand Place. The former is so close to my heart because it's a shopping and leisure strip. Teehee!

From Wikipedia:

The Galeries Royales Saint-Hubert (French) or Koninklijke Sint-Hubertusgalerijen (Dutch) is a glazed shopping arcade in Brussels that preceded other famous 19th-century shopping arcades such as the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II in Milan and The Passage in St Petersburg. Like them it has twin regular façades with distant origins in Vasari's long narrow street-like courtyard of the Uffizi, Florence, with glazed arcaded shopfronts separated by pilasters and two upper floors, all in an Italianate Cinquecento style, under an arched glass-paned roof with a delicate cast-iron framework.

The gallery consists of two major sections, each more than 100 meters in length (respectively called Galerie du Roi / Koningsgalerij, meaning King's Gallery, and Galerie de la Reine / Koninginnegalerij, meaning Queen's Gallery), and a smaller side gallery (Galerie des Princes / Prinsengalerij, meaning Gallery of the Princes). The main sections (King and Queen's Gallery) are separated by a colonnade at the point where the Rue des Bouchers / Beenhouwersstraat crosses the gallery complex.

Let me show you some photos.

This is a busy strip but surprisingly it wasn't that crowded that afternoon when I was there.
Really love this 19th-century architecture.
Those statues and that glass dome.

Longchamp!!! I went inside and...you know what happened next. Ahihihi!
Oh, a Belgian guy....
And now...for the famous pissing boy...the Mannekin Pis (Little Man Pee). I really thought that this was a big big big statue of a little boy pissing. But, no. It was so small. And it was very difficult to find!
The famous statue is at the junction of Rue de l'Étuve/Stoofstraat and Rue du Chêne/Eikstraat. To find it, one takes the left lane next to the Brussels Town Hall from the famous Grand Place and walks a few hundred metres southwest via Rue Charles Buls/Karel Bulsstraat. (Wikipedia)
When in Belgium...one must try their Belgian waffles! Seriously. This one was just 1 Euro and it's so so so delicious! I just bought this along the street. It's so good that I actually bought two more of this. LOLZ!

Godiva is probably the most famous Belgian chocolate brand for us here in the Philippines but if ever you're in Belgium, please do try Neuhaus. It's equally good. Their ice cream is sooo good, too.

I thought that this mural looked cool so I took a photo of it.

I really enjoyed walking around these streets. I think I would've enjoyed it even more if I was with a special guy.
And then we'd have dinner at one of the restaurants there.
A brick building.
I saw some people touching this statue of Everard t'Serclaes so I touched it as well. It's located on Charles Buls Street and people say that if you touch it, especially the arm, it will bring you good luck. I made a wish as well. Rubbing the arm ensures one's return to Brussels so I guess I'll be going back there someday. Excited!
And now, let's go to the La-Grand Place. Most of the buildings there were under renovation. See those gold? According to our tour guide, those gold trimmings are real.
If I'm not mistaken, that building on the left is their town hall.

So love every bit of architecture in this plaza.
ING is big in Europe. I saw this mascot on the street and I was so tempted to hug it. I just wasn't sure if it was a guy or a girl that was inside this mascot costume so I hesitated. Teehee!
Do you miss Haagen-Dazs? Me too! Huhu!
Yes, you're right. I had too much chocolates when I was in Belgium.
A sea of people.
I miss Brussels already.
I'll definitely come back...with my pink Puma rubber shoes.



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Sunday, March 19, 2017

Johannes Rissler is the most handsome Filipino male model in Manila today (IMO)

photos from Facebook

I'm just gonna make this quick. I don't want the weekend to pass by without me posting this.

All I just wanna say is that...for me....

Johannes Rissler is the most handsome Filipino male model in Manila today.

Well, technically, he's Filipino-German so, still, that makes him every bit of a Filipino nonetheless. But, again, that's just me. That's just my opinion. That Johannes Rissler is the most handsome Filipino male model in Manila today.

I really think that he's the most handsome Filipino male model in our local modeling industry right now (I think that's the 3rd time that I said that LOL). And he reminds me of someone....

Yup. You guessed it right. Heydar Hosseini. Ok. I'll stop there. Past is past. LOLZ!

Lemme share with you some photos of Johannes from the recently concluded Bench Fashion Week that was held last week at the Bench Tower. I was fortunate enough to have attended that and damn....

Johannes Rissler is really the most handsome Filipino male model in Manila today....

That's all for now.

I'll try to blog more about Johannes soon. I promise.

In the meantime, you may follow Johannes and his modeling career on Facebook (Superjohans).




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Who is that "gay" I see staring straight back at me...?

Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?

When will my reflection show...who I am inside?